The last two weeks have been the most challenging, disheartening, physically and emotionally exhausting. This fall quarter has been proven to be a tough one, more so than the ones in the past. To make matters worse, I caught this cold (felt more like I was dying) that made every step even harder to get through. I guess I didn't really realize this until now, but how did I even manage to get through it? Many could argue its because of my drive for good grades...maybe even the fear of failing in school.. or it could have been just my discipline and my abilities to study. Whatever it was, I have now come to one conclusion that I am 100% sure of: God was faithful to me through it all and that's how I managed to pull through.
Enough about me and let's make it about Him. God is faithful. He is not just faithful in His words and actions, but HE IS FAITHFUL. He embodies all that it means because that's who He is. There is no other definition of faithfulness, except that it is who He says it is. I felt like I was in hell these past weeks. I have a good way of hiding it...again some could argue that its cause of pride (which im sure a teensy bit of it was) or trying to prove myself in anyway, but all I do know is that it was supernatural faithfulness that kept me alive. I feel a little foolish to not have acknowledged it then and there, but God was not hesitant in coming through for me. Whether it was through cold remedies, physical strength, or even making sure of my sanity, He came through.
No matter what, God will be faithful to us in loving, protecting, providing, and caring for us. No doubt about it or even second guessing, but He has proven to us that His grace and mercy will always be there. It's not a question of whether God will show up, it's a question of whether we will. Even though I wasn't "cured" of my illness or I might have done bad on my finals, I was still able to get through it without landing in the hospital and possibly not have failing. He wasn't outright in showing me His powers...but underneath it all, He was the underlying reason why I didn't go insane. That's what faithfulness is, right? It doesn't say in the bible that faithfulness comes in the form of doing favors for us. God is not only faithful by giving us momentary gladness, such as healing my cold or getting me an A on my tests. Of course, theres no doubt in my mind that God can be faithful to us in those ways. However, more than that, Faithfulness means being steadfast to the one thats in front. It means giving us the strength, empowerment, and the abilities to push through. He has been that to me.
Now it's my turn: my only response to His faithfulness is my faithfulness to Him. I've come to the acceptance and acknowledgment that I may not be the smartest person ever. It does take me more of an effort to get good grades. Knowing this and being okay with it, I know that I have to discipline myself and continue to be motivated in my studies. My roommates refer to me as the "studious one"... "polisci nerd"...."gma" I, on the other hand, just see it as I have a horrible memory, which requires me to study harder. During my finals, I kept telling myself to be faithful in the things that God has given me. School is definitely a privilege. One that not every single person gets to earn or receieve. In light of this, I know that I have to pursue to excellence in all areas of my life, school being one of the most important. I don't want to get good grades to bring redemption or pride in anyway, but I'm called to be a student and a great one is what I'll be!
What else am I to be faithful to? Of course to Him... but to also my family, friends, church, school, the band. I am to be the best daughter I can be. The best friend I can be. The best promiseland teacher+worship leader. The best manager/supporter I can be (with the little to no knowledge of how to do it) In all these places, I am called to be faithful to love, care, protect, provide. Why? Because He is that to me. I am not to try and "look to the future" in starting to live my life. No. He's given me so much more than I could ever ask for and its in these places and things where I am to pour out my heart, thoughts, time, energy etc. Not in any way for outside recognition or in personal glory, but in response to the One who has been faithful to giving me this life. He has entrusted to me His very Spirit, His blood, and His word because He is faithful to love me all the days of my life. My life has been bought with a price. I've entered the promiseland because He has been faithful to get me through it. Now it's up to me to return the worship that He deserves.
I press through, in and out, because of what You have done for me God. God, you deserve so much more that I am offering now, but I pray that this will cause me to pursue you even more. To be found faithful.
